


Regret

by nijicchi



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Because it's Nijimura, Cussing, Hurt/Comfort, The rainbow reunites with Akashi, what else is there to say?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 14:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5459723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nijicchi/pseuds/nijicchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nijimura is not sure what to feel... but hearing his voice made him certain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just Nijimura's side of my other fic 'Disappointment'  
> Enjoy reading~!

Tatsuya forced me to go with him to play street basketball with his friends. He woke me up from sleep this morning just to invite me to that game. I refused at first but that bastard can be quite the charmer. Damn him.

So I had to force myself out of bed and get myself out into the outside world... And I was planning of just lazing around too. Okay, so much for planning. I was feeling exceptionally lazy that it took me thirty minutes just to get up from bed (guess this is supposed be one of my lazy days). Just eating my breakfast took time and even just slipping into a change of clothes took me almost an hour. I don't always take my time but Tatsuya deserved to wait. He should've told me sooner. I was already on my way when my phone rang and there was that beautiful bastard's name on the caller I.D.

I answered it, "What now, Tatsuya?"

"Shuu, where are you now? The other's are already there,"

"I'm on my way,"

"You didn't answer my question, but oh well, just hurry up," then he hung up. Goodness, he didn't even tell me who we're playing with.

\----------

I only saw Tatsuya when I was near the meeting place because he left our supposed meeting place because I took too long. And whose fault does he think it is?

"Damn it Tatsuya, you should've told me sooner!" I scowled at him as we neared the others, but of course he wasn't affected. He just seemed amused. Can somebody please remind me why I'm friends with this dude?

I looked ahead and noticed the oh-so familiar vibrant hair colors among the crowd. Red, yellow, green, blue, violet, a lighter shade of blue and there's pink too. Red. Akashi... My eyes easily landed on the redhead. Though his back was towards me I knew it was Akashi... Ahh, his hair sure is as captivating as ever. The next moment, Akashi was on his feet staring at me with wide eyes. I see, he cut his hair... Nevertheless, I think it suits him. Way to go stupid me, complement his hair the first time you see your kouhai since you graduated from middle school.

I sighed and glared at Tatsuya, "And you could've told me of the friends we were playing with..."

"Senpai!" Momoi then suddenly tackled me with a hug wrapping her arms around my torso. I was kinda caught off guard with the hug but I didn't mind. Momoi had always been like another little sister for me.

"Oh hey there, glad to see you're doing well Mo--" I stopped myself when Momoi looked up her eyes glistening with tears. Ah, did I make her cry?

"You didn't even contact us!" she whined. Now I feel bad for it. But I was just too busy and I was sure they were busy too so I didn't bother. And besides, my relationship with them was almost only just within basketball so... I should better stop with my excuses.

"Hey I wanna hug Senpai too!" Kise exclaimed joining the hug.

I'm not always up for hugs but since we haven't seen each other for quite a time, maybe I can make an exception today. I sighed and wrapped my arms around the two, "Just this once,"

It looked like they really haven't changed much. Midorima still held weird items in his hand, Murasakibara still had so much snacks with him, Kuroko was still hard to notice, Kise was still as annoying as ever, Aomine was still an idiot, Momoi was still her usual self and Akashi... He seemed different. I couldn't observe that kid a little bit closer since the others seemed to be quite excited to see me again. 

Well man, aren't I loved?

My attention then turned to Aomine, whose mouth was slightly agape with eyes wider than usual. A scowl easily made its way to my face as I said, "Oi, don't look at me like that you brat! It's not like I came back from the grave or something,"  
"You just disappeared after your graduation, I thought you might as well be dea--"

"Dead? Wow, I'm very touched Aomine," I said sarcastically. Momoi and Kise had released me from their hug (finally) as they laughed. But I'm seriously kind of worried about Akashi... He hasn't even said a word. And doesn't he seem a bit...distant?

"Who's this?" a guy with four eyebrows asked (I swear this dude looks ridiculous but it would be rude to just laugh at the face of someone I just met). His question however, earned him stares from the other. Were they surprised he didn't know me? Well, I wasn't surprised at all.

"He's Nijimura-senpai, our former captain in Teikou, Kagami-kun," Kuroko answered. I wouldn't bother describing the mini-heart attack I had when that boy spoke. Wait, Kagami? So he's Himuro's... Err, Brother?

"That's so cool!" a black-haired teen exclaimed enthusiastically. And just who the hell is this. "How is Shin-chan in Teikou?"

"Shin-chan?" I echoed. Hell, I don't even know this dude yet he's already asking me a question. Not sure if I've played against him during middle school but who cares? I forgot most of them anyways. And I bet they forgot about me too. No hard feelings though, that's to be expected.

"Takao," Midorima said as a warning. Takao, eh? Is he Midorima's new buddy? I pondered for a moment before answering this Takao dude,

"Well, he carries around weird stuff every day," I replied which caused him to burst out laughing saying something incoherent in between his laughs. Midorima just scoffed while Takao continued laughing.

Then my eyes met Akashi's. I grinned and said, "It's been a while, Obocchan,"

"It has been, Nijimura-san," he replied politely. Something seriously feels a bit off. No scratch that—something is completely  
off. I'm guessing, it must be because of Akashi's crazy antics after I graduated... We didn't have much on an exchange after that.

Then guess what? They bombarded me with questions after that. Like how was I, where have I been, was it true that I became the leader of a Yakuza, a little bit about those brats' middle school life, then stuff about me again(mostly asked by the damn annoying blonde) and so on and so forth.

"Damn it! I'm here to play basketball not answer questions like a damn celebrity!" I snapped because what the hell? They kept on asking me questions as if I was from another planet. Well excuse me, I just came from the other side of the world not freakin' Mars! Fortunately, they all agreed that question and answer can wait. I wouldn't answer any more anyway even if they insisted on it.

Akashi and I were on the same team. I'm quite confident with my skills even if I'm not as great as the so-called Generation of Miracles. Honestly, it made me feel quite happy that Akashi and I were still able to play in sync. Nostalgia hit me hard as I caught his passes and played with him again...

When it was almost evening, the people started to leave one by one. Somehow, we had a silent agreement to stay back and have a little chat. Kuroko just gave us a small smile before leaving with Kagami. Akashi and I stood across each other only at least three feet apart.

"Hey," I awkwardly said. What do I tell him? Oh crap, why didn't I think about it this far? We only had this silent agreement that we'll stay back, but I don't know what to say. It still felt unreal that Akashi was standing in front of me... It felt like a dream, and shit, I'm starting to sound sappy.

"Er, your hair suits you," I blurted out. Damn you Shuzo, you can't even think of anything better to say. I easily noticed the surprise on his lovely face. Maybe he wasn't expecting that compliment. Well wow, I wasn't expecting it too.

"I've heard some news... About you," I've heard from Tatsuya who heard it from Murasakibara about what happened in Teikou after I left. It wasn't in detail but I think it's enough. I've heard about it all... How Akashi turned into some victory obsessed psycho who assaults people with scissors and even threatens his teammates that he'll gouge his eyes out and also about his antics at Teikou after I left.. And my initial reaction? I couldn't believe it. The Akashi I knew was nowhere near the twisted psycho that Tatsuya described... But the seriousness in Tatsuya's voice was enough to convince me to believe him and I just thought... What the hell? Because what kind of captain urges his team not to attend practice? To toy with their opponents and make the scores 111-11? To make fools out of the other players? What kind of basketball is that?

I honestly didn't know what to feel. Should I be disappointed? Frustrated? I don't know. I seriously don't know.

"Are you disappointed?" Akashi asked. The sadness in his voice immediately made me realize how I should feel. Definitely not disappointed. I know how strict his father is (I've learned tidbits about him when I was still the captain in Teikou), Akashi didn't need anybody else to be disappointed at him. Besides, I noticed how distant he was earlier; he must have it hard for his self. Well, I never intended to condemn Akashi anyway because when I look at him, I still see my ever so dutiful vice-captain.

I patted his head.

When I look at Akashi... I still see that kid who had never even bought something to eat on his way home if I hadn't forced him to eat, that same kid who looked at a meat bun incredulously when I gave it to him, that Akashi who simply enjoyed basketball.

"How could I ever be disappointed?" I said as gently as I could. I then started ruffling his hair.

"You led Teikou to victories, you became a captain even as a first year, and I could enumerate more but it may take us a while," I chuckled lifting my hand from Akashi's head. I'm not really sure but holy shit, I could've sworn he looked disappointed for a moment there when I lifted my hand.

"It would be nice if I could look at it that way too," Akashi said almost a whisper his eyes fixed at the ground. I seriously just want to hug him right now, pull him close and just tell him that it may take time, but everything will be fine... I didn't want to overwhelm Akashi so I did my best to fight that urge. I just want to... I don't know, comfort him? Because I know how hard it is to forgive one's self... I used to be some shitty brat too after all. I picked up fights, and hell, I was also guilty on looking down on others. I had trash talked everyone, even my senpais. And all my misdeeds caused so much stress to my father that he... I better stop there... To be honest, I still haven't forgiven myself yet...

"Loosen up, everyone makes mistakes," I replied nonchalantly. I can't just add up more to the tension now, can I? Though I think it's having the opposite effect on Akashi. This kid is so difficult, I swear. And I should really stop swearing...

"You don't understand, Nijimura-san," he replied. Well, I always knew this kid would be hard to deal with. He's so used to keeping everything to his self. Like, Akashi would die first before he would ask other's for help.(I'm obviously exaggerating...)

"What do I not understand? The weight of guilt that's eating you out because you trampled on the sports you and many others used to love? The fact that you look at people as mere tools to win?" I said. My voice came out sharper than I intended but screw it. It's just so frustrating. Even just getting the idea that you want to help Akashi was hard enough... Just how much worse will it be to actually help him out? 

"Then fuck it Akashi, make me understand." I added. Oh shit, that doesn't sound so right. Though I don't think Akashi would make any mention of how my statement could be misunderstood... That would be so anti-climactic and I just wanna laugh at myself for worrying about something like that.

"You do not need to--" I didn't let him finish by making my fist connect with his jaw. There, I just did it. I punched Akashi in the face, though I made sure to hold back. I wouldn't want to ruin my kouhai's lovely face after not seeing each other for a while. Akashi almost lost his balance but still managed to steady his self. He caressed the side of his face.

"Tell me Akashi, does it hurt?" I asked him. It's useless to use logic against Akashi. I'd surely lose this argument if we did it with words. So I just let my fist talk, and let him learn a language he's yet to understand.

"Yes," Akashi managed to say.

"Good then," I replied. Akashi seemed to ponder for a moment there. I was quite sure he didn't get why I just punched him. I just wanted to shake him off a little, that's all.

"What was that for, Nijimura-san?"

"To shake off your ever so bright mind in hopes of beating some sense into you," I replied in my authoritative voice, the one that I use when I was still the captain. This sure brings back memories; I haven't used that tone in a while.  
He opened his mouth to say something but I made sure to beat him to it,

"I'll seriously hit you again if you tell me to get lost because I'm not leaving you," again was the unspoken word that I knew he understood. Akashi looked at loss for words. Well, aren't I amazing? I just rendered the great Akashi-sama speechless. It looked like he won't be speaking any time soon so I sighed loudly then pulled Akashi into a hug, my arm around his shoulder and my other hand resting at the top of Akashi's head.

"I know it's hard to forgive yourself, trust me... I know so," I said lightly stroking Akashi's soft crimson hair. I found myself smiling a little as I held him close, "It's fine to regret, really. I guess I would be more disappointed if you didn't."  
Akashi gasped slightly, but he leaned in anyway. This kid seriously deserves some rest. I'm sure he's been too stressed and he's also too stubborn to listen to others. I know that much. 

"It's fine to be weak... It's fine to feel pathetic actually. It's totally fine to regret your misdeeds. Just for a time though," My arm tightened slightly around Akashi bringing him closer. "Only looking back won't change anything... If you have time to look back, run forward."

I wanted him to relax. Have some rest. Even just a little, it should be fine. Taking breaks in a long run is important after all. You need time to hydrate yourself before running again. But you can't take a break forever if you want to reach the finish line.

"You don't have to force yourself when you're with me," oh crap, shit, shit, shit, shit! I didn't mean to sound suggestive. But surely, Akashi is too pure for him to even think that I'm hitting on him when we just reunited, right?(because that could wait--shit, never mind that... I'm just so pathetic when it comes to him.) I felt Akashi relax a little in my embrace. 

"After all, you're also just human." I added. Akashi is also just human... I'd love to protect this redhead from the others but I'm sure he can take care of his self. He's not weak. He can stand up on his own two feet but, I just hope people won't forget that he's just human too. Oh how I'd love to tell his father that.

I pulled away and Akashi finally looked at me in the eye. Akashi let a small smile grace his lips, "Thank you, Nijimura-san,"

Oh shit, him just thanking me like that makes me feel kinda embarrassed. Ahh, what am I? Some star-strucked high school girl? Urgh, that's so not me, damn it. But his smile... It was just the same as back then. Genuine and just so... beautiful. Unlike the fake and controlled smiles earlier.

"Sheesh, no need to thank me really," I replied looking away. And well crap, I really hoped I didn't blush, "Akashi,"

"Hm?"

"Wanna buy something before going home?" I looked at Akashi again and flashed him a carefree grin. "You probably stopped buying snacks when I left, no?"  
Akashi looked slightly surprised, "That is correct but--"

"I knew it! Let's go buy something at the convenience store then!" I started walking away, and I'm sure Akashi would just be behind me following my footsteps. Like how he used to during middle school.

If there's one thing I'd regret, it would be forcing Akashi to carry the weight of Teikou's victory during his second year in middle school. He was just thirteen for fuck's sake. I should've at least spared him from all that pressure. I knew how being Akashi Seijuro meant having so much pressure on him... Yet I... But oh well, what has been done has been done. I can't take anything back anymore.

I briefly looked back at Akashi and urged him to walk by my side. He didn't need to lag behind any more... After all, we're equals right now(we have always been).

I don't have time to regret, so I guess I'll just move forward as well... After all, if I want Akashi to move forward, I should be moving forward too, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Because I'm that one weird writer who had the nerve to write something from a first person point of view of a flashback(*cries a river*) character whom we know so little of XD welp, I hope Nijimura wasn't too OOC here hahah You may have noticed that Nijimura here described Akashi's face as 'lovely'. Well, he thought Himuro is beautiful and I'm more than certain that Akashi is too, if not more! Akashi is beautiful. His eyes are mesmerizing. His hair is as captivating. His face is lovely. His smile is precious. In conclusion, Akashi Seijuro looks PERFECT! *^* as a person who appreciates beauty and aesthetics, Nijimura must have seen that! XD


End file.
